Since I was old enough to give my own opinion on life, I have always looked at myself, and turned away in shame. This is another sob story of mine, but I believe it'll help you, so let me explain.
In 2013, when I started this blog, I was at my lowest point. I saw lack of beauty in the world because I was sad, and that being at a constant. Nothing inspired me. I was just getting through each day without stopping to think about it.
Two years on, and I'm in the same predicament. I'm not inspired by anything. I always find myself down and alone. That's the worst part. Lots of people are having conflicts, and it tends to be when I'm sat between them. I hate it when people don't get along, because I have this complex where I always think it's my fault.
I feel misunderstood. I feel like people just see me as lazy and anti-social. I just can't get my motivation and I don't like talking to many people these days. There's one really close friend of mine who I confided in recently, and bless him, he's always checking up on me and knows when I'm sad. Granted many friends have done this, but there's just something about this one friend who bends over backwards for anyone and everyone. This is when I start to have faith in humanity again, because people do notice and they do care. It's just a shame they are never there when you're balling your eyes out at 3:00am clinging to your pillow for dear life. That's not his fault, but I do miss having that connection with some of my friends.
Granted their all moving on, and that's great. We're still as close as ever, if not closer, but I just wish I could move on with them. I always feel like I'm dragging them down. Everything seems dull and grey when I'm around them, and I feel like its because of me because I'm finding it hard to smile and laugh. Thus a lack of beauty in my life.
I hope things get better, because this time I don't know what I'll do.
Thanks for reading,