If there is one thing I could change about myself, it's how anxious I get when I'm in a new setting around new people. I shake at the thought of it.
I've never been a talker until I'm comfortable. I like listening to stories and adventures of others, but I'm a mute. I never wish to share my own because I can't. I don't speak.
My stomach does back-flips and somersaults and forward rolls and swings from the bars. Ice water rushes through my veins. You'd swear my hands are on the ground of an earthquake. You'd swear my mouth is taped shut because I cannot speak.
When I say I'm nervous, it entails me lying in bed, I'm too scared to get up and face things. My stomach tries to protect itself with the rest of my body, just lying armadillo, in hope it doesn't here the news that shouts "ANXIETY".
Most of the time I won't see friends this year, that's hard to comprehend. My chest tightens and aches, and genuinely hurts when I think of being the odd one out in a sea full of people.
I get pins and needles, and hot shivers, and find it hard to breathe, just at the thought of being out of my comfort zone.
Over the summer I've isolated myself, and seems to have happened more and more as summer finally draws to a close. My issue is now, that because I feel so isolated, I'm petrified of saying so much as a few sentences to my closest friends, in fear of a reply.
I physically feel sick. I don't eat on days like this, I can just about hold a bottle of water to my mouth without feeling like I'm choking.
I don't think many people understand how I feel about going back to school, but if you do, please comment below so I know I'm not the only one.
This isn't healthy, and this never used to be me. So why is it that now, when I have to face things alone, I can't? When I was younger I wanted the independence. School terrifies me.
I really do hope you don't feel like this when you have to go back to school.
Thanks for reading,
I love you lots like Jelly Tots,