Saturday, 30 May 2015

Having Trouble Confiding in People

Lately, well for the last 5 months, I've been feeling quite down. I know that I am leaving my current school at the end of this year. This is where I discovered my passion for art, how much I love music and literature. I guess I'm sad that I have to leave it all behind so soon.
   I am very much the person to avoid telling people may problems. I bottle everything up until I cry. Not so long ago I did just that.
  I was out with my two very close friends, Ashleigh and Lewis. They'd turned their backs for five or ten minutes. I started to cry. I left quietly. I didn't want to make a scene.
  Now, this is where my guilty conscience comes in to play. I lied to them. I said I just wanted to go home and chill out. I started crying on the steps. So, me being me, I got up and usual.
  When things get tough I listen to music. I don't have to talk about my problems and upset other people by doing so. I resort to bands like Mayday Parade, A Day To Remember and Pierce The Veil. It's not the usual Taylor Swift and ice cream remedy.
  Listening to music has helped me find roots to my problems, don't get me wrong. However, it's quite hard to get Derek Sanders or Vic Fuentes to notice a tweet, let alone have a full conversation. This is where the "Support System", as Ashleigh and I call it, comes in.
  I have been friends with Ashleigh and my other friend Lewis for quite a while. They know everything from me being bullied in year 7, to the issues I still have now. They always say I can text them if I need to talk to someone. I don't. I don't text because they've got much better things to do than try to console me at 1:00 AM in the morning. What upsets me is I trust them the most, but I never take advantage of the fact that I now have friends who will listen to me. I was so used to keeping things to myself before, it's just become a habit. This is disheartening, but at least I can show I'm able to stand on my own two feet...for once.
  I have loads of friends who will quite willingly listen to me, but the two I've just mentioned, were mentioned for reason I'm not going to explain just yet. I'll explain it to you in a metaphorical way; I'm finding it quite hard to keep on top of the water these days, so I have armbands. I don't always need armbands. However, when I feel a little more cautious I try to use the armbands.

Thank you for reading.
  I love you lots like Jelly Tots,
    With Love,
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