You have not found yourself. You have always been around. You have always lived this life. You have always done this. I guess you never really open your eyes to realise until you have to.
People tend to say "You find your true self when you go to university." I think this is wrong, it's invalid, obviously to a certain extent. You "find" yourself during this time because you don't have your parents or guardians or carers leading your life for you. You have always lived this way, but never noticed.
I'm fifteen years of age, and you can call me what you like, delusional, I don't care. I know myself. I have since I stepped foot into high school. Notice I said "know," and not "found." Notice I've come to a realisation, I have not just come back from exploring. Notice I didn't lose myself, I just didn't know it was me until then.
You spend a lot of time thinking when you're out with friends, again, you can say I'm a strange one, but you do. You think that you would never be where you are without those people. The truth is this: you found them. You searched for the right people, and through that journey, you acknowledged yourself. You realised the sort of person you are. The reason why you couldn't FIND the person, is because they were never gone. They never left your mind; your soul; your body. The person was always there, because that person is you.
If you say you have found who you really are; I, myself, believe that is a false statement. You have found what and who it is that makes you, you. You didn't search the Earth to find a reflection staring back at you in the mirror. You searched the Earth to find what it is that other people were looking at; what other people caused.
Think of this as a mirror. If you think you have found a broken person in that mirror, you haven't. You have only discovered that you are broken and need help. If you have found a happy person I that mirror, really you haven't. You were just too transfixed on "finding yourself" that you never noticed your actual self.
Here's the truth. We can run from what we are afraid of, and at the time, that may be okay. When minds drift and thoughts wander you realise the sort of person you ARE. The person you ALWAYS have been, whether it was deep down, or visible at the surface. You didn't need hunting down, you weren't lost, you never disappeared. You were always there, it just took a little time for you to realise a person cannot be found like that, just noticed.
"If you can't have faith in what is held up to you for faith, you must find things to believe in yourself, for a life without faith is something to narrow a space to live"- George Edward Woodberry
Thank you for reading,
I love you lots like Jelly Tots,